| FOR VICTIMS & SURVIVORS |
| Get & Stay Safe |
| Safety planning |
| Whether to tell others |
| Restraining orders |
| Some abuse is a crime |
| Working with police |
| Couples counseling |
| Contact an advocate |
ADVICE ON COUPLES COUNSELING
A word on couples counseling for partner abuse – No!
Couple counseling for intimate partner abuse is inappropriate for several reasons. First, when the abused partner attends couples counseling it implies that he shares in the responsibility for the abuse. This is a belief that many abusers already have and they are skilled at manipulating situations in order to make the abused partner feel responsible for the abuse. Couples counseling can help an abuser justify blaming his or her partner and provide an excuse for the abuse. Couples counseling then becomes a means for the abuser to re-victimize the abused partner and reinforce the abuser’s control.
Second, couples counseling is the wrong treatment for the wrong problem. Partner abuse is not about how two people relate to one another. Abuse is about the behavior of the abuser and is solely the abuser’s responsibility. The couple does not need counseling for the abuse but the abuser may need therapeutic treatment to address his or her abusive behavior.
Third, couple counseling may lead to further abuse and may be dangerous for the partner. The abuser may use counseling as another tool to gain power over his/her partner. Also, if the partner reveals his feelings or the abuser’s behavior in the counseling, the abuser may retaliate.
Any form of counseling or therapeutic treatment in which the abuser and the abused partner might participate together is inappropriate. Such programs could include drug treatment or family therapy.
Counseling for the Abused Partner
Abuse can have harmful emotional effects on the partner. The partner may need therapeutic treatment, without the abuser, for crisis counseling, during the transition out of the relationship, to create or re-create a life without the abuser and to address the emotional effects of the abuse. A support group with other abused partners also can be a beneficial element in a therapeutic plan.